I am DEAD

I hear sirens going off in my head. A lot of deep hitting sirens.
I cant focus, I cant focus.
Im trying so hard to open my eyes PLEASEOPENMYEYES
but i cant
they're to heavy
and it hurts to talk about.
and the words hurt to say.
and no one hears them when they come out the wrong or the right way
and im dead
im dead
inside and out
decaying from the inside rotting on the out.
but im still here for everyone to watch, and gape and and worry about.
is if it helped
NOTHING FUCKING HELPS
QUIT TRYING TO HELP
I DONT EVEN HAVE A SENSE OF MY HEAD ANYMORE
TO WRITE
SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH ME
AND NO ONE WILL HELP
im trying to get help
im tried to get help
but no one would help
or could help
or should help
because this can be caught
its a sickness
its a disease
its leaving me broken and distraught
and ridden with lots of unanswered questions.


im thrust into a pit of despair where my body aches to feel the normal feelings of love again. of affection again.

but instead my emptiness surrounds me and devours me
and i dont even know myself enough to drag myself out.

because im not who i thought i was
i was never who i thought i was.

if this keeps going i want to die. i want to die because theres nothing worth living for
and im just taking up space for something else to be alive
to think
to love
to write.

god i cant even write anymore.