i need space. i need space in this big vastness of space that we're in. the entire universe and i feel like we're too close together. just sitting in this room. its too close. feet aren't enough. i need miles, countries, lightyears. i cant get enough space. space. spay aced. i miss when i felt like there was too much room. that i couldn't get close enough. to anywhere to anyone. and now all i want is space. emptiness. i crave that feeling of simplicity. but im happy where im at. im content. and confused i dont know what i want. i think i know i want to be wanted but dont want to be needed. around. and what if i get what i think i want? im never prepared for that the uncertainty and sinking feeling of terror when i get everything i want. what do i do then, once all my fantasies have been fullfilled? i'll have nothing left. i have nothing left. and everything. its just like a fly to ruin a nice glass of water. when you weren't thirsty anyway.

Im emptying out my head, to try to find that pure emptiness. The purest of happiness and happy words to be said and be heard. I'm trying to get it all out, all the gunk and the junk thats just cluttered inside. Spring cleaning. Me cleaning. For the new season. A new chapter in my life. With healthy thoughts and healthy living. But i know that I can't help it. All things come at a thought, with baggage and dust. And again my things will begin to collect. At the front of my brain pulling me foreward into this new demension of reality. Adulthood. Where I can't see straight, but my thoughts all feel clear. Shiny and new. Glistening. And I can touch them, and feel them. And finally have the time and the energy to find all those words that backed up. Down my throat. Preventing any easy breath. Any any breath. Now they're all pouring out and I'm seeing them now. How I've grown, my undeniable change. But I'm still me. More me than me ever was. And I'm grateful. For this small bit of sanity that I've bit off of reality.