Every second of every day since the first time that I came in contact with that electricity that shocked my eyes wide open and my heart skip a beat, I have been counting. I tried to clear my mind and think of other things, productive ones. Sane ones. But still you are like the squeeky floor bords waking me up in my sleep. Squeek squeek squeek.

Those windows on your face are reflecting little rays of sunlight into my eyes. And my whole world is instantly illuminated. And suddenly it's all I can do to keep from crying. Because its you and your sun and your electricity bouncing through my mind. Bobbing and weaving through the negative thoughts a feelings surfacing on the top. Above all else.

But I know that reason says I need to let it go. I need to let you go. But I don't want you to go. "I want you to stay." You want me to stay. But I should've gone. Away, away. But there I laid like a dog in the sunlight pointing my belly at the sky hoping to soak up some of your light. Because even if for a while, even if just for a while, that sunlight reflecting off of me was mine.

And in the way you look I hope you can feel it to. But it took all you could manage to keep from talking about that viscous conscience that's ripping you apart. And even all that you could wasn't good enough. Thoughts and feelings bubbling up, shoving my inadequecies into my face like a pool of blood. Oozing out of my emotional center pooling on the floor at your feet. As I hoped one day you'd soon be using those words about me.

But you wont. Because you've already got a subject to desire. To obesess. And her sunlight is boring through those windows and into your soul, melting into me.