ramblings

Her words flowed out like the music running through her body. God what a rush, all the forgotten feelings associated with, and pointedly, her writing. She wasn’t quite sure why she’d missed the feeling so much, the release of the thoughts, the emotions clogging up her mind, and yet in this instance she could not find her release. So near was she to smashing her head against a wall, ‘I cannot do this’ she thought, ‘not again. I cant confess my sins to a paper and have nothing to show in return, except the gratification of few faithful readers. Why do I so oft put myself through this strenuous laborious task, which I find myself to be a little less than ordin’ry at. Wont someone correct my faults? And let it be shown, all my scars, my wrong hoods, the incorrect grammer that I am so prone to showing. Where is all my honesty, my vulnerability that they who wish to feed upon like vultures to a rotted corpse? Yet, here come all the meaningless words, like a release to a dam that once been cracked could not be sealed.’ She could not stop the steady flow of verbs and adjectives rushing into being around her. this was never what she wanted. Just justification, she just wanted to know why she wrote with such an unstoppable force that she herself could not control. ‘Why can I not harness my own abilities, my own words, my own mouth, my own heart?’ she knew deep within her core, her reasons for having such a lack of free will. she was the universes’ bitch to do with as it pleased. Without the great mother of everything her existence was everything but what it was. No longer existence, but an idea amoungst the thoughts of many others, ‘the universe created me, and oh mother she will break me.’ She sighed letting her dramatics take over ‘Oh mis-use me like an excerpt from a book’ she thought at the universe, ‘take my life and make it nothing but a chapter in the lives of many, and the happy ending to none, for what ending could run happily if I were a part?’ she then wiped her weary eyes wondering what thing could drive you to feel such a sense of apathy for your exitensce. ‘Through no fault of my own was this feeling made, it was thrust upon me like that of a burden from a father to a son, of which I am neither.’ She glanced again over her incessant ramblings and thought, ‘if shakespeare can do it, why cant I?’

scrap?

She put her fingers to her neck and closed her eyes only for a second, quick enough for no one to notice. Quick enough no one would see I had to remind myself I was alive. My breathing sounds shallow to me, she told herself. Slower. Slow down. When she pried her eyes open she watched the world spin past her. I cant keep up. I cant slow down, I cant speed up, im stuck. Stuck in the quicksand we call time, which eventually drowns us all. Her eyes moved to her watch, my eyes moved to my watch. 10 past, Im late, she’s late. We’re late. The both of us. Our legs move, in unison almost as if we’re one. Are we? She is in my body, or am I in hers? We walk, long strides with heavy feet. All I see is our feet, I wonder if she sees the same. Theres a chill going down my back, I ask her to put on our jacket, she responds. We hop across streets and crash into puddles, allowing our jeans to soak up whatever wreckage it can en route to her destination that I cant remember. She knows, she’s taking us, and all I need to do is let her. Stop I say, wait I say. And she stops, and she waits for me to give her the cue its ok for us to leave. I sit, she’s confused and I can feel it. Why here? Why on this block. She looks up and she sees. The glimmering windows and all we see is our reflection looking back at us. The brown of our hair is not as shiny as I once remembered. Its dull and frizzy. I take my palms and push it down around my face, but it doesn’t help. The hair will do as it will, just as she. Our face is pale, I cant remember when we were last out. I turn my cheek and I cant help but notice the apparent jutting of my chin, protruding farther than it used to. I’ve lost weight. She grabs our stomach, empty. Just like us. I cant remember our last meal, that could account for our lifeless looking physiche. We need to eat she tells me, I don’t want too I snap. HONK.
We spin around to watch a funeral procession drive by. The tinted windows reflect the city around it to keep us out of their loss.