Something

Theres a feeling that I get. It's when someone pays attention to me, the look on their face when they're looking at me. It makes me uncomfortable to look back and see all the things that I'm feeling reflected back. At me. But in the form of someone else's expressions. And I feel lost, and warm, and nervous. And my body starts to get sweaty, but not in the normal ways that bodies start to get sweaty. Near my butt, and under my neck. Sweat just pools. Because I'm so nervous about the way they're looking. Because they're looking at me. And I'm standing there trying really hard to look back in some way that could possibly equal the response they're getting in me. But I can't. My mouth doesn't contort the direction I want it to, its maintaining it's natural flatline. Making the time of death of every romantic encounter the instance of first contact. Eye contact. And I can't bear to look up again because I can feel their gaze boring a hole into the side of my face, the back of my thigh, the top of my breast. It burns. It's hollowing me out.
And it's not that I want to make something of this. These glances and hollowing stares. I don't want to take them home and into my bed. I don't want them to know how I smell when I wake up in the morning or know the feelings that live in my head. I don't want them to know me the way I know nobody knows myself.
But I want someone to feel that I'm there. The way I can feel them there. Staring, and hollowing. For one second. Just long enough to be able to say that somebody felt me. Just long enough for someone to know the feeling of me feeling them there.