Something old and something...

The same thing I would want today,
I would want again tomorrow. -Bob Dylan

Hands up.
Take me in.
I give up, hell I give in.

I’ll fall into your soul and I wont even mind when it absorbs mine, for the greater good of course. God just when did this all begin? The falling and absorbing and giving and taking? Christ I’ve forgotten to remember things. And when he looked into my eyes god I swear I melted, I did. Right then I just liquefied and sunk to the ground, and oh hell I couldn’t care less. Look at me again, I dare you look, I’ll probably morph into a gas and float away.
There’s another thing you do when you look the wrong way. It makes my blood freeze, right in my veins, and I turn to ice, my whole body. You can thaw me, melt me, float me any form of matter I can become with just, one, look.
Pathetic.
You make my heart stop. Stop. And I want to scream that at you, and make you understand that but you don’t, wont, cant. I hardly even know which “nt” it is anymore. On the bright side I’ll never see you again. And I think I’ll just stay here melted on the floor. If you ever come back I hope to god you’ll solidify me again, with good reason of course.
And im so blocked right now. I cant think of anything else but your voice and that goddamn smile. Its not even rare or special its just there, in the back of my mind. And I promise I’m not obsessing or writing about you again, but god that’s a lie. We know that’s a lie because no matter how hard I try to keep the words blocked up in this fucking small brain of mine it just comes back to you and an explosion occurs. A mess a fucking jumble of adjectives and verbs and nouns and commas and it just needs to stop spewing. I need to get the taste of these words out of my mouth, figuratively of course. They’re like sewage. I know my words sound harsh but its only out of affection I speak them. True acidic affection that only a woman could feel.
And when I rob myself of these words and send them out to roam where they might I hope to god that I will never think them again. Words don’t last forever, these words they’re only temporary. But don’t ever get me wrong, I don’t love you. I have never loved anyone and would care to never own up to it.
But your voice, your calm sometimes lovely voice is reverberating in my brain with the few words you’ve spoken. And that, that haunts me. But I’ll think about you this once, just this once, anyone, just once, and never think of them again. Once these words dry out, and their meaning lost, you will be too. I’ll have done the smart thing and kept my distance. But take this as my one bitter confession, I have thought about you. I have.