[untitled]

Take a breath.
Just one,
and step back.
Eyes closed,
heart open,
eyes open,
world closed.
I'm not grown up enough for this. I am trying, really.

I wish I had the strength. I am lazy... or scared. I don't know.
I wish I had the words that I know I'm keeping somewhere.
And I wish that the words I used instead didn't sound so misplaced and awkward.

And I am so honest. I can't stop myself. I am over-involved. I allow myself to be consumed by other people's lives and problems, because if I am focusing on what's wrong with someone else's life, I don't have enough time to think about how screwed up I am.

And no matter how hard I try, I cannot scrub this from my soul. I feel guilty. So guilty. It stains me, and everyone can see it. And I feel like I have taken so much and I don't deserve anymore, but I want more. I crave more. The greed consumes me, like a fire in a dry forest. I can't get in, I can't get out. I'm stuck. Perpetually stuck.