In the end

Where has all my sense gone?
I think it's been drowned in pity.
Fuck pity. That emotion makes me sick. Like it physically makes me nautious to think about the whole concept of pity. The idea that someone would care, but selfishly. They hate the feeling of guilt so much that in order to not bear that guilt anymore, they pretend to be concerned. Or care. Or worried. A completely selfish desire disquised as some warped compassion.
And being handed all this pity my mind will just suffocate. Choke on it, until it has no other choice then to start vomiting up back all this disgusting emotion shoved down its throat.
And that, that is where all my sense has gone. I can't decide if I want it back, I want to want it back. I want to not feel... like this. Whatever this is. I want to not feel it, or at the very least be able to identify it.
And all my words seem so empty. There are so many of them, can they even convey this emotion that I'm feeling.
It's not sadness, or depression, or stress, or anxiety. It's some weird new feeling that I have no idea if I've ever felt before. It's almost like not feeling.
Like having someone touch your arm but not feeling it, and the times you do its like being electrocuted.
It burns.
It hurts.
I hurt, and I don't.
I feel, and I don't.
I'm stuck in purgatory,
And I'm not.