What

As far as I'm concerned, the best songs are about love. Because there are no words, or supposedly, there aren't any words for "love". I think I've changed. I feel so cynical. I'm supposed to watch for depression, I don't feel depressed. I don't think I feel anything. That's a lie, I feel things, just not the way I did.
Maybe it takes a while to get back to where you were. But I wouldn't even begin to know how to find my way back, or if I'd even want to go.
And I'm not scared, that scares me. I've spent so much time thinking about things and worrying about things and wanting things and now I can't even articulate. I can barely decipher small things like whether I want to get out of bed, or turn on the tv. It's like I'm not living my life, but someone elses. Like at some point I was thrown into this existence from my real reality.
And maybe that's why I feel so distant and off. None of this is real, well maybe it is real but it doesn't feel real. I feel like I'm whining, or succumbing to some stereotypical outline of what a teenager is supposed to feel like. Disconnected, distraught, and dissatisfied.
But it's not even that. I am unaware of what I am, I don't even know what word could be used to describe it.
I feel lost.
I feel like I'm wandering around in my own brain, only it's not really my own brain anymore, it's someone elses.
Its even weird to look in the mirror, because that person looking back at me, that can't possibly be me. She looks pudgy cheeked and cheerful, alive. Healthy. And when you talk to her she seems exactly that.
But then inside me head I'm getting all jumbled up cause what I think, say, do, feel, are all completely and ridiculously different.
And all these event's happening around me feel unreal.
I feel like I'm in a dreamlike state of indifference.