Antics

Saw a girl on the street from my home
Like a fire on the hillside she shown
And I knew right then that my best days were gone
And I’d been, been in the lowlands too long - Gillian Welch

I don't know why but lately I just haven't been able to find the proper words to truly demonstrate how I'm feeling. I've come to accept that regardless of what I say someone will assume I mean something else.

I received some advice from a friend the other day, just be yourself.
What if I don't like who that is? I am ashamed of certain parts of me that have become apparent lately, and I can't seem to rid myself of these things that seem to motivate me. Maybe I am not being myself, and that's what is so upsetting. I don't know why I can't just let go, and allow myself to maybe look stupid or make mistakes because after all I am human. But I just can't, I am paralyzed by the thought that maybe, for some reason somebody wont like me for the way I am, and thats totally unwarranted because anyone that I've truly trusted enough to catch a glimpse of me, has never been disappointed.
So If I know that, and when it comes to people I don't care about I am completely confident, then why can't I act the same way when it comes to people I might want to care about? And then I'll spend all this time thinking about how much this bothers me and less time actually trying to fix the problem.
I am a fool.
Just a sorry fool.