Verse Vs Inverse

Pity, take pity on me
Because I’m not have the man that I should be
- Death Cab For Cutie

I am trying my best to wipe all of these thoughts from my brain. If there's anything I've learned lately its that trying to predict the future will NEVER work out. But I can't stop thinking about it, and the more I try to stop thinking about it the more I think about it until it becomes this obsessive cycle of trying not to worry about something that I have the total right to be worried about. And I just wish that at some point a sure thing would happen. I am sick of this whole adapting to whatever life throws at me thing.
Comfort is the problem. I have finally found a place to be comfortable in and something of course would have to try and force me out of that, and I just don't understand why. Am I not allowed contentment for longer than the span of several months? I suppose that's true, I'd begin taking things for granted.
And still, there's that nagging feeling gnawing at my brain. And my thoughts will full circle back to all those things I am trying my hardest to not think about. And sometimes, if I just give in, my cheeks will flush and my body will warm, at just a thought. Just one thought. And almost instantaneously my brain will shoot them down and my stomach will begin to ache and I'll go on with whatever I was trying to do as if that wave of emotion never occurred.
And I can't say it's healthy.
And I can't say I like it.
But it's better then the alternative.